There are certain clues that tell you how much a restaurant will cost. If the word “cuisine” appears in the advertising, it will be expensive. If they use the word “food,” it will be moderately priced. However, if the sign says “eats,” even though you’ll save money on food, your medical bills may be quite high…
I think when you eat out you should have a little fun; it’s good for digestion. Simple things. After the waiter recites a long list of specials, ask him is they serve cow feet.
Have fun. Be difficult. Order unusual things: a chopped corn sandwich. Rye potato chips. Fillet of bone with diced peas. Peanut butter and jellyfish. Ask for a glass of skim water. Insist on fried milk. Chocolate orange juice. Order a grilled Gorgonzola cheese sandwich on whole-wheat ladyfingers. Then top the whole thing off with a bowl of food coloring and a large glass of saturated fat.
- Brain Droppings by George Carlin
In “Blog Exercises: The Don’ts of Blogging,” “Blog Exercises: Stand Up For Freedom of Speech,” and “Blog Exercises: Site Policies and Bloggers Code of Ethics” I gave you Blog Exercises about swear words and setting the guidelines for freedom of speech on your site, citing George Carlin’s Seven Dirty Words routine by example of how the laws in the United States have put limits on what we call “freedom of speech.” Today’s blog exercise puts the emphasis on creative use of words, not just protection of words. It’s about having fun with the words and bringing your audience along for the ride.
I adore George Carlin’s unique humor and passion for words and language. His fight for freedom of speech and identifying the words that cannot be said on radio and television (and elsewhere) wasn’t the start of his fascination into language. It just escalated the passion to great heights. Words became play things, objects to study, investigate, dissect, and persecute.
Today’s blog exercise is to explore your own creative use of the language. Find fun ways of saying things. Look at the words and phrases you use. Have fun with them.
Here are a few George Carlin comedic quotes to help you get started.
No one knows what’s next, but everybody does it.
Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!
Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I’m an American — you know, you grow.
It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory.
Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes.
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
“Meow” means “woof” in cat.
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?
So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
You can prick your finger — just don’t finger your prick.
One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired.
Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”
Property is theft. Nobody “owns” anything. When you die, it all stays here.
Again, your blog exercise today is to play with words and how you say things.
In the article you are working on today, find a fun way to play around with words and concepts, saying something in a fun and distinctive way that makes people stop in their tracks and reconsider the point you are making. After all, at this moment, you are the oldest you’ve ever been.
Consider revisiting some of your popular posts and changing a word or two in a phrase to make the concepts sparkle and catch people off guard with your phrasing.