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Calling All Stupid Comment Spammers

Hey, be a pal. Don’t delete this so I can get the backlink. Okay?

I hate comment spam. It is such a waste of time. But this one cracked me up. The fact that it came from something named “Smartloans” tells me they ain’t too smart.

Calling all stupid comment spammers! Pay attention. Listen closely. I know you aren’t paying attention, but you need to. Listen up.

Set your comment spammer bots to recognize a WordPress blog, be it a or , because whatever you do on a WordPress blog, it won’t work. Got it?

All trackbacks, sometimes called “backlinks”, arrive in WordPress, and if they get through the many filters set up to block such comment spam, they are published with all links labeled “nofollow”. This happens automatically with no effort on the part of the WordPress user. It means that your trackback link is no good as search engines will completely ignore it. No points scored. Worthless.

If your comment spam bots still manage to get through the many comment spam filters available to WordPress bloggers, your comment spam links will also be dressed down with “nofollow”, making these totally worthless, too.

WordPress users working with Akismet and other comment spam fighters have the option to mark all missed comment spam as comment spam, which sends a message to Akismet, adding your comment spam information to their database. Within a few minutes of spewing your comment spam around the WordPress Community, several hundred thousand members quickly mark you as a criminal and you are banned very quickly. Again, wasted effort.

As for asking us or making us feel sorry that spreading vile marketing and advertising time-wasting comment spam is your only way to make a living, give us a break for having a little intelligence. Whether you do this for income, or are part of the programming team that writes these abominations on the web, if you have enough intelligence to sit in front of a computer for hours on end doing evil, you have the qualifications to sit in front of a computer and do good.

Quit. Quit now.

The only way you might make money is with non-WordPress blogs, and I don’t think there is enough of a market share anymore to allow that to happen, especially since other blogging services are now following the lead of WordPress and upping the ante on how comments and trackbacks are filtered through. And the world has been notified repeatedly that comment spams are worthless and not to click them if they find them, but to report them for removal.

Your options are shrinking. Get a new life.

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Copyright Lorelle VanFossen, member of the 9Rules Network

Member of the 9Rules Blogging Network

8 Comments

  1. Posted July 23, 2006 at 2:05 pm | Permalink

    Hear, hear, you spammer creep!

    Not only should you get a new life.
    Make sure you have a life at all!

  2. Posted July 23, 2006 at 3:16 pm | Permalink

    Cheers, Petit! :D

  3. Posted July 23, 2006 at 10:42 pm | Permalink

    Well said there Lorelle!

  4. Posted July 24, 2006 at 7:06 am | Permalink

    I too hate Spam Comments, but do you think spambots will read this post ?

  5. Posted December 16, 2007 at 3:29 pm | Permalink

    Spambots are just misleaded bots.
    Probably well written code, used for useless purposes, but as Thilak commented, they might not read this :(

    Have you seen the spam, they make on Trac ? , It’s insane!

  6. Posted January 24, 2008 at 8:34 pm | Permalink

    I found your blog via Google while looking for the best way to deal with a real live comment spammer (not a bot) who thought she was being altruistic and “sharing” her standard comment advertising a blog carnival she’s doing. Thanks for all the great information you’ve given, it’s helped a lot.

    I ended up telling her that she actually is a spammer, since she left two identical spam comments on my blog, left another on a family member’s blog that I linked to in a post and also left a bunch more identical comments on over a dozen other blogs. I found these by googling a sentence from her comment, and I was not impressed at all.

    She sent a nasty email back saying that she’s been reading my blog for a while, “this is the thanks I get for trying to help out another blogger”, that she’d “unsubscribed” from my blog, she’s glad she did, and not to email her again. Since I’d never even heard of her before this episode I’m not too bothered. I just can’t believe people can justify their spam like that! My comments are conversations, not free advertising space.

    I also had a spam guestbook message on another site a couple of years ago similar to yours above. It read “I’m so sorry for this….” and went on to link to porn sites. I thought that was hilarious! I figure at least he was apologetic about it…

  7. Posted January 24, 2008 at 10:36 pm | Permalink

    @ Heather:

    I recommend you read Blog Struggles: When Are Too Many Comments Too Many Comments? Also, you need to know that all those apologizes are indeed comment spammers. That’s been around for many years.

    I know that comments are a pain sometimes, but they are an invaluable way to communicate via your blog. We have to learn how to be judge and jury. It’s tough and I wish it wasn’t part of the blog process.

  8. Posted May 11, 2009 at 10:22 pm | Permalink

    True that Lorelle!
    I’m getting one spam comment every 5 minutes.
    Earlier, I thought that spammers must be smart people because ‘I Thought’ that they make money out of spamming the eWorld with their nonsense. But now I believe, they invest every effort to win the “Idiots of the year” award. Akismet is very good at capturing those stupid lengthy comments that are full of links. It is obvious, spammer’s spam-software sucks because not a single comment has ever passed through so far. But the idiots are continuously sending spam since a month.
    Its about time that these low-life suckers need to create some better software that can skip through Akismet.
    Still I wish if there was a way to nail these bastards.

    Dev


7 Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. [...] Lorelle on WordPress posted a spam comment she received: “Hey, be a pal. Don’t delete this so I can get the backlink. Okay?” [...]

  2. [...] Bradford hope to keep Derby pair Bradford are hoping to poker hands Derby duo poker hands Holmes and Nathan Doyle’s loan spells. This guy on his blog go’s into some detail about how it works, its late and my eyes are frosting over so im gonna have a better read of it tomorrow. I guess the technology behind the spam bots is pretty impressive – its a shame they couldnt put it to better use. [...]

  3. [...] Okay, listen up, comment spammers. I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again, it doesn’t matter how you try to hide your comment spams or spamming links in my comments. I will route them out and report them. You will be banned. Resistance is futile, so is creative comment spamming. Useless. Quit wasting our time and go back to whatever advertising and marketing hole you crawled out of. You give the advertising and marketing business a bad name. So go away. Now. You aren’t winning here. [...]

  4. [...] Calling All Stupid Comment Spammers [...]

  5. […] Calling All Stupid Comment Spammers […]

  6. […] Calling All Stupid Comment Spammers […]

  7. […] Calling All Stupid Comment Spammers […]

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