The Day I Looked Forward to Casinos, Drugs, and Penises

A few weeks ago, this blog was hopping with comments and massive traffic. It was exciting. I threw myself into the joy and spent way too much time monitoring the blog and rejoicing in the sudden popularity.

And, as I knew from past experience, it soon died down. My blog stats leveled back out from the week long record breaking spikes, comments slacked off to a few “can you help me figure this out” and “I agree with you” responses. After two weeks, I knew things were back to normal and I found myself looking forward to casinos, drugs, penises, mortgages, software, hosting, website design, and all the other services promoted by comment spammers.

Yes, the day had come when my biggest thrill was hitting my Comment Spam Prevention panel in my WordPress blog and clicking the DELETE ALL COMMENT SPAMS button.

Pitiful.

Everyone likes a little action on their blog. Budget Dreams – Your Dream Wedding on a Budget now understands the impact of a little action:

My lowly little blog has been up for about 4 months and is basically a collection of thoughts and ideas for brides to think over. I generally get 15-30 vistors/day.

This morning started out normal, and then a reader – who disagree with one of my posts – posted the link on another message board and left a few rude comments. I thought “well, someone has a little to much time on their hands? and moved on.

Got a few more rude comments, deleted most of them, replied to a few that had valid points or questions. At this point, thinking there are way to many people out there with nothing to do!! I am really, I surf blogs looking for info from time to time. If I find good ideas, I take it. If I think an idea stinks I move on. Why waste my time on something I think is dumb?

So anyway, no big deal – I’m pretty thick skinned. I’m a wedding planner after all, I deal with stuff like that a lot. AND THEN I CHECKED MY STATS!!!!! OVER 700 VISITORS in the last 24 hours!!!!! Mostly from the link!!! WOOOOOHHHHHOOOOOOOOO!!! I am now #5 out of all wordpress blogs for traffic!!! So, while they may have been wasting their own time, they definitly gave me a HUGE boost in the search engine ranking department!!! It made my day, lol!!!

That is how the excitement happens. Someone makes a negative, or positive comment, or your blog is picked up by Slashdot, Digg, or any other social bookmarking and blog promoting service, and suddenly you are under a waterfall of traffic. And under a microscope, but that’s part of the fun.

So, here are a few tips for getting those blog traffic stats to skyrocket. And I’ll warn you in advance, it’s a bit satirical.

• Get someone to say something awful about you in a highly visible place on the web.
• Say something awful about someone in a highly visible place on the web, and make sure to include a link to your blog.
• Write something argumentative and inciteful. Then spread the word.
• Write a Top 20 List.
• Make up a lot of fake name registrations on Digg and del.icio.us and submit your posts there. Score your posts really high.
• Use a very provocative title. Remember, sex sells.
• Poke fun or meanness at a famous bloggers with a link to the post you are attacking, so a trackback will appear in the comments highlighting your nasty poke.
• Get to know a famous blogger and together, plan a big public fight. Involve others in the fight.
• Invent and/or write about something everyone needs to solve all of their problems all of the time. Then get it put on Digg or Slashdot.

Until then, be thrilled with all the attention you are getting from casinos, drugs, and penises. Wee.

NOTE: Three weeks after I wrote this article, What Do You Do When Someone Steals Your Content caught the attention of some Digg fans and other social networking services and forums and spiked traffic up to the roof again. Like Budget Dreams, after I found some nasty comments on my post, I checked the stats and found that I was number one in the WordPress.com Top Blogs again. Wow!

I didn’t think my article would attract so much attention, and it was a pity because I was on the road traveling and couldn’t enjoy all the attention and fun this time. It was enough to get online for a few minutes and clean out the nasty comments. I didn’t have time to respond and participate.

I’m sure that in a few days the traffic spike will die down, and then I will be back to looking forward to casinos, drugs, and penises, with the occasional transvestite and fetish treat, just waiting for my delete trigger finger marking it as comment spam. In the interim, I’ll enjoy the spotlight for a few minutes. *Sigh*

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• Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll Replaced by Sex, Drugs, and Mortgage Rates
• A Day in the Life of a Paranoid Website Administrator
• Delaware Supreme Court Extend First Amendment Protection to Online Comments
• The Attack of the Spam-Bots from Hell
• Spam: Stupid Pointless Annoying Messages in Emails, Comments, and Everywhere
• Comment Spammers Getting Smarter – But Not Smart Enough
• New Comment Spammer on the Loose – Pay Attention
• Comment Spammers Now Using Hebrew to Fool You
• Imprisonment for Annoying People Online

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