[EDITED BY ADMINISTRATOR as off topic and for privacy issues]

And this from a dating site.. who would want to date any of them? So they get older, more miserable, more bored and write more garbage about others. And the ones that have left, couldn’t care less about them. We check into see who they are picking on now and are surprised when its still us, even though we have moved on. Let them stay in the past and wallow in their misery, hate and vile spewed nonsense. We see them for who they are… ignorant, immature and immaterial.

Enjoy your days!!

Always glad to help. Don’t forget, even in the virtual world, humans will be humans. Don’t let them suck your energy and enthusiasm away.

Story is this - a very dear friend started a blog to promote a new career - he’s in training at the moment and is looking for work to add to his portfolio. He’d barely started his blog, had just really jotted down a few musings when he received a comment from someone slating his blog and saying he was a joke.

These comments came from somebody in ‘the industry’ and were basically undisguised vitriol. I won’t go in to what was said but she’d written that he should leave work for his ‘elders and betters.’

I was utterly stunned when I read the comments. After a bit of Googling I found out who she was and realised she seems to be a lonely old woman with only a cat for company! But her comments still really annoyed me.

My friend has been sensible about it. He read the comments and was upset, but then he deleted them and said he’s not going to let her get to him.

And having read your post I realise I shouldn’t give any more of my energy to this woman.

I particularly liked your comment; “Many mean spirited bloggers are just bullies in disguise… Or possibly, they are just clueless and have no idea that what they’ve just said is hurtful.”

I’m not going to confront her, I shall just leave it, but shall secretly hope she gets her comeuppance!

Thanks again.

I am so sorry that you are still dealing with that, and can appreciate a lot of your experience from my own. Although it sounds like you’ve got a very good handle on your situation, Googling “toxic relationships” can offer you even more advice and info. that may provide you some comfort. Peace and happiness to you.

I don’t have a blog. I have a mean, bullying father who tries to get my goat no matter what I do. We live states apart and only communicate through letters (thankfully). I have struggled for so long with how to respond to his ugly words, each time doing so only because he is the only father I have and I can’t quite let go of the (yes, childish) hope that this time I’ll be able to find a way to win his acceptance. Partly because he has knowledge of our ancestral roots that I long to learn from him and partly I admit because I stubbornly think I can somehow convince him that I’m not the same dumb kid he knew years ago.

Although I’m usually a tactful and gentle person, I have unfortunately lashed back at him a couple of times out of plain emotional distress. I Wish I had read your post before doing so because I now deeply regret having done that. I’ve apologized, but in his mind, what’s done is done and he can’t or won’t get over it. As you pointed out, the “he hit me first” approach doesn’t always help.

So far, in spite of ignoring his slams and trying to stay on the high road, I’ve only managed to make him madder. I guess I am now faced with concluding that either he has it in for me and nothing I do can change that, or that he acts that way to everyone, and I mustn’t take it personally.

But your commentary above just helped so much because everyone I’ve discussed it with has no patience and would have me write him off - end of story - or just flame him back in a never-ending battle which neither of us stands any chance of winning.

At age 55 I have seen enough of life to realize the value of a human soul - no matter how nasty they might act - to prevent my dismissing anyone so carelessly. But your blog presented a practical and realistic perspective that allows one to give it their most sincere effort and then to gracefully exit if that is to no avail, while still maintaining one’s dignity while under (assumed) undeserved attack.

We humans are, after all, supposed to be civilized. The challenge is not always to win but sometimes just to preserve one’s self-respect — that, or crawl back into the jungle where might equals right. And I hope to stay away from that place!

Thanks again.